Another World
Hope is praying for rain on a cloudy day, faith is praying for rain when it is sunny and dry…
Summers in South Texas can be pretty brutal. Driving my twenty year old Jeep Wrangler down the freeway on my commute home in the afternoon can be akin to driving through the heat from a blast furnace. But still, I tend to love the Jeep in it’s truest and most iconic form - no doors, no top. Back in June there was a slight chance of scattered thunderstorms in the forecast so I put on the bikini top that covers just the two front seats. It honestly does little good if it really rains, let alone storms. It does provide some strange false sense of protection though. While the day held hundred degree weather and clear skies I was a little taken aback when I got off work and pulled out of the parking garage into a much cooler and darker world. The sweet and earthy smell of rain was so strong and there was an energy not unlike static in the air. A storm had just passed over and it looked like I would be riding it’s coat tails as I headed east towards home.
Today was a really good day. Flying down the freeway with cool wind and a light rain felt good. Ahead, the backside of the withdrawing storm was quite dark. Lightning lit the skies and I rejoiced inside with every explosion of light. We have needed the rain and I love few things more than a really good thunderstorm. A particularly bright bolt of lightning struck the middle of my frame of view and at that moment I became hyper aware of my surroundings. As the music echoed from my speakers I heard the song I had in rotation mix with the driving rain.
All because of you
I believe in angels
Not the kind with wings
No, not the kind with halos
The kind that bring you home
When home becomes a strange place
I'll follow your voice
All you have to do is shout it out
- The Good Left Undone by Rise Against
My old faithful Jeep
I continued to drive straight ahead, the bolt of lightning fading in an afterimage before me but as it did I was pulled from my Jeep. I was acutely aware of being in a strange landscape as I was pulled into another world. A barren desert landscape was before me and the freeway was now only a two lane road. Mesas dotted the horizon and a storm was parting over the road. There in the sky was an entity the like I have never seen before. A mirrored silver hovering oval above flowing robe like material. Something like wings the shape of diamonds covered in eyes flanked it’s shoulders. A ring of metal hovered in place around the silver head and above it was a silver sphere suspended in space. The entity, every bit of 400 to 500 feet in height hovered above the road ahead of me. I was filled with an intense sense of peace and a distinct message to paint this image and share it. It seemed I drove toward this entity for several minutes but I was acutely aware that I was also back in San Antonio, on the freeway driving eastbound and heading home. As the reality that I was literally in two completely different realities, both complete for all my senses, the desert landscape faded and I felt a gentle pull of my “self” back into my reality of my afternoon commute.
I believe in angels
Not the kind with wings
No, not the kind with halos
That night I pulled out a wood panel and painted, as best as I could, the other reality that I was in. I want to say it was an angel I encountered. I want to say that it was somehow my own guardian but I honestly do not really fully understand what happened.
As I painted my painting I thought a lot about the imprint on my mind, on my heart to paint and share this image. Because my nature is to never be able to leave things as they are I started researching what could have caused this altered state of consciousness, if indeed that is what I experienced. There is a huge part of me that wants to say that I had two distinct bodies, two distinctly different Jeeps driving in two completely different realities. This was not a vision that impacted my internal imagination. This was not a strictly visual experience. The sight, the sound of the distant thunder there was so vivid and real. The red dust in the air had a distinctive smell and taste. Just as I could smell the rain in San Antonio I could smell and taste the dust being whipped up in the wake of the storm of that other world. The red dirt, the metallic iron taste of the dust blowing through the cab of my other Jeep held me there in the firm knowledge this was not a dream. It was as real as any life experience I have ever had. I can’t shake it even now.
Its been weeks and, as I said, I cannot leave it alone. I feel as if I was not transported into another place but rather duplicated into another place. It seemed to me I was conscious in both places. This I am sure would be a relief to anyone on the road with me that afternoon! Perhaps the me that stayed behind was just unconsciously driving my Jeep in much the same way we all do from time to time when we experience some sort of trance-like dissociation such as "highway hypnosis" or "white line fever”. These events can occur when someone drives home with little recollection of the journey. It is a form of dissociation where our minds enter a detached state while routine tasks are carried out.
5am walks or rucking adventures in my local parks are a normal start to my day many times a week.
As an artist I have had many experiences with this in a state of flow while drawing or painting. I had this happen much more often as a child on long walks or when I was drawing. This, however, was the first time I felt as if I was somehow bi-located between two different realities. Having said that, having conversations with “guests” who are sometimes visible to me and other times non corporeal is pretty common. It would be easy to chalk up to imagination except that the conversations generally cover things I am completely unaware of. Perhaps I should refer to them more as teachers than guests. In any event, these entities are sometimes very discernible while other times they tend to be disembodied intelligences of some kind or another. This occurs for me most often in a state of flow and most often either when I am in the studio, meditating or on long quiet walks alone in the early pre-dawn parks. This is a state where my conscious mind is no longer engaged in my work and I truly am somehow not doing the work but I am the work, I am the environment and I am interacting with these other entities.
In my exploration I wondered if my experiences were nothing more than the byproduct of some kind of trance-like dissociation. The more I dove into the subject the more intrigued I became. It seems that as we delve into the world of trance-like dissociation we learn that “highway hypnosis” or “white line fever” is only one variation of this phenomenon. Trauma, stress, anxiety, emotional overload, sleep deprivation, repetitive activities, and substance abuse are also known triggers. These may be considered more the problematic or negative ways to enter this state or other altered states of consciousness. Interestingly enough there is research to back this up. Solid scientific research has shown that flow states, repetitive activities, lights, and even sound can get one into an altered state of consciousness.
Drawing will often plunge me into a state of flow where anything can happen, to include, a strange and wonderful visitor or two.
While most of these do not involve hallucinations for most people there are exceptions. While I find this quite intriguing I also really firmly understand that this was not my experience. My experience was one of being present in two physical bodies in two wildly different realities. I should also mention that this is only one instance of many where I have experienced this. The profoundness of the instance though was more in how it has, for months now, continued to resonate with me. That figure, which I personally refer to as an angel, has left an indelible mark on my life. Did I bring it back with me? Did the experience open my understanding of it’s always having been with me?
Since the moment of that experience I continually feel, in a way I cannot easily explain, that this angel has not left my side. It is unseen but ever present. It is unseen but I sense, deeply, in its complete goodness. This goodness is of a depth that I cannot comprehend and that wraps me in a strange awareness of my existence that is more present. That cannot be all bad so, as I often tell “him” we are on a long strange drip together. Hope you are enjoying the ride.